AirBnB, win some, lose some, leave a mark

It’s clear that the architectural rehab of 17 La Fayette Streetwas done with expertise and pride of work.

The same cannot be said of its operation as an AirBnB destination.
We met management — and they are not us. LITTLE LORD POOBAH comes off as an entitled, dry-cleaned frat-boy, pimping out DADDY POOBAHs sacrificial lamb of a house for fun, profit and a little meth-cash.
  1. If it’s a family you’re bringing, take your time, think this one through:
    1. You won’t be able to cook the kids a bowl of cereal.
    2. You won’t be able to cook, period, if cooking > microwaving.
    3. If you do happen to microwave, you’ll lack for cutlery.  Steal plastic spoons from your first diner visit.
    4. You won’t be able to point the kids at the TV and get on about your business.
    5. You, the kids like to sleep in the dark?   Pack window treatments.
  2. Now, if it’s a frat-house slash flop-house slash crash-pad for Dangos, a legal place to pee after last call’s this is your place.
  3. Three ounces of second-relations Jack Daniels lay passed-out, facedown like any dead soldier, on a gut-cut bag of ice in the freezer.
  4. Upon our 10-minute-early, walk-up arrival, LITTLE LORD POOBAH in his spats, showed his irritation, maybe he’s delightful and was just a bit hungover.
  5. LITTLE LORD POOBAH gingerly picked up the case of Pabst Blue Ribbon he’d just set down and went back inside after telling us to come back in 20 minutes.We did return 25 minutes later.  He was slouching out the back door into his shiny brand new 4-door Jeep Legacy surprisingly w a dry-cleaned shirt on a hanger.
  6. Now if it’s privacy you want, that might be a challenge.  Not a curtain in the place.
  7. Good night’s sleep you say?  Hmmm … if that requires sheets within 2 sizes of the mattress, that could be a big ask.
  8. Cook an egg the next morning?   Well, the sole pan, a cast-iron pan, with about a decade’s rust sits on the stove.
  9. Object to crabs, other cooties?  Well, that’s a judgement call.  The bathroom hasn’t seen anything fast-acting bubble-y or foam-y or caustic for several winters now.
  10. Eat a bowl of cereal?  BYO.  Bring your own bowl, oh, and BYO spoon.  Andor liberate a handful of plastic-wrapped KFS from the local bodega | Stewart’s
  11. Like to freshen up your unmentionables in the laundry?  Well, the washing machine drum has the same family traits as the one cast-iron pan.   I mean, I guess, perhaps the abrasive action of the iron oxide really gets one’s delicates cleaner than ever.
  12. Personal hygiene?  The lone bar of soap has been pimped to a sliver.  Hot water:  if you can keep the ceramic handles from clattering to the floor, you’re in luck.  Rinse your razor out in the sink, that’s fine.  But your friend waiting to brush her teeth might as well paint her toenails until the sink drains.
  13. You brought lovely outfits for Saratoga Springs’ nice restaurants.  In your first-world-y, entitled way, you’ll probably want to hang them up.  There are 2 hangers.  Good start, but they’re the narrow-gauge ones we’ve all stolen from hotels that don’t fit our closet rods at home.  Once they’re used up, the host has thoughtfully left picture frame hanger hooks in the walls.  Big enough for a belt loop for sure.
  14. Want to sleep in?  If there’s sunlight, you’re gonna see it.  What I mean to say is, all the curtains appear to have been heisted right out of the house.
  15. Now there is a lovely parlor with a leather-looking couch.  Seems dignified, handsome, until you sit in and sink into the abyss that is this symbol of the-good-life furnishing.
  16. The bedroom with the perma-open window worked.  3am Sunday, a black-eyed squirrel stood outside beating his little fist on the window wanting to get let in with his little chipmunk drinking buddy.
  17. That cast-iron skillet, so rusty I wouldn’t cook my dog’s breakfast in it.
  18. We lacked the audacity to fire up the oven.
  19. The swamp-cooler window-unit AC units, balanced trapeze-like in various window-holes, and without those annoying little wings on the side to keep air & insects out.

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