Dear john letter // dlk


i jotted this down 3 weeks ago,

I’ve been thinking about you.  Seems likely we won’t be doing much of anything.  Wrote a couple things down.
I enjoyed you from the moment we met, when you picked me up by the pool on our way to Victoria’s.   That first night at dinner I just drank you and your blue eyes in.  So cute.  So lovely.  Funny.  Lively.  Alert.  Oh, and cute.
I’ve always respected and cared for you.  You’re giving.  You help your people.  You’re loyal as fuck.   You’re strong, brave, communicate beautifully, clearly, effectively, truthfully.
Ours is the best fucking I’ve ever had.  Ok, that was the crass way to put that.  I enjoyed our sex more than any other ever.  You are electric.  We worked.  I love your we-just-came laugh.
And, I loved the intimacy we shared.  That first night you, in my bed, is stamped in my mind.  Just a lovely scene, you there, topless, your lovely breasts in the moonlight.  We were straight-up honest and un-date-like, not-marketing.  Another intimacy to me was going to Blockbuster and looking at videos, what, date #2?   Another was being with you at Banana Republic, doing some return or something, and walking through the women’s department with you shopping.
I never answered, directly, clearly, manly, your “foster” or “forever” question in a direct, honest way.  I’m sorry.
Brainy-wise you were under Jim’s shadow for a long time.  She said, and i agree, that you have a similar powerful incisive mind.  You got the pretty, and the smarts.
Work-wise, I really fucking hope that you get to a place where they appreciate your sharp, sharp intellect, analytical mind and ability to communicate both.  Fuck I want to see you at Hopkins.  I’m sure you’re tired of hearing that.  You’re a rare fucking package.  I want to see you casting your pearls before something other than swine.  You know that I’ve always respected and envied your ability to communicate masterfully, persuasively, effectively, constructively, clearly, honestly.
For you, I would love to see you tend to yourself as smartly, sweetly and totally as you do others.  Your father, Jim++, brothers, Hoff, Sean, Baby Spice, all those are fortunate to have you.  Monticello.  Smokes to Jay.   Your life hasn’t been easy.  No shit, right, no one’s is, but you’ve had more challenges with your family than many, certainly than I have.  You came out of it without abandoning it.
No matter your concerns about leaving it all to Jim, I respect your wisdom to step away from Jay time to time.  I understand wishing for the relief of someone dead.  Overall though, for times like San Diego, you’ve left your family, without abandoning your family.  Now I just want to see you not abandon yourself.
Dana, Kate, lovely one, this letter is about caring.  I want to see you happy
like that first night at Victoria’s;
like when you first put on that white coat I got you for Christmas;
like the photo of you, arms wrapped around Max.
I wrote this a week before your text.  I decided it might not be my privilege to break the silence.  I’m glad you texted though and opened the door for me to send this caring message.
helping mulch my parents house
running up that big hill by your house
working together with pivot tables
picturing you in The Grand Canyon
you crossing the country stadium by stadium
you, wingman for me at the Praxis event
Fido, The Cat
early date, eating at Pei Wei