Haley This period of transition

El Martes 27 de agosto de 2013 14:46, giro escribió:

your thoughts if you like

—– Mensaje reenviado —–

Enviado: Martes 27 de agosto de 2013 13:24

Asunto: Haley

Haley

This period of transition, adulthood, college offers us both, all, a lot to process under the hood.  

You’ve changed, grown. You’re on your way, on your own.  Gotta be honest, though.  I feel like I don’t know who you are.  I feel like I’ve lost a lot of you in the last 3 years.  Perhaps you, me.  I don’t know what, but at my age big changes aren’t part of the deal.  So there’s this 3-year gulf.  Perhaps understandably when I receive “i need money” texts, i miss having a bigger picture

I really don’t know what future to expect.  You either. and if we do we’re certainly wrong.  

I remember one visit when we went to Safeway.  We walked in the door.  You were young, probably not 6 even.  I gave you a twenty, said:

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I did that for all the right reasons.  Firstly, I didn’t want you bugging me. Secondly, I’ve always wanted you to feel power — like you didn’t have to ask others for permission, stuff, skills, confidence, self-worth.  Didn’t really work out but I did what I could. 

You’re more than 10 years past the point when this father could influence who you were to become.  I know those days and what they contained.  I don’t know these days and what comes.  Maybe you can help me with that.

Not sure where i’m going with this, but it’s where I am.  Perhaps a line or two prove useful to you, you know, twenty years from now, and here’s the rest of that Safeway story:

So, Safeway.  

We went through every stinking aisle.  Cookies, Mac & Cheese, licorice, hot chocolate.  I pushed the cart, you took a box of cookies off the shelf looked at me you said 

“can I?” 

I shrugged.  

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Over by the rotisserie chicken stand we stopped.  I went and got a second cart.  You pulled each item out of the first, looked at it 3 different ways, did the math in your head. 

“I really want this, but i want that more.”  

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Everything you decided against you put into Cart #2.  Done.  You seemed satisfied with your decisions, and came in at right about $19.  You, me and Cart #1 checked out.  Didn’t even bother putting the other stuff away.  Cart #2 sitting there sad, lonely.

Like any parent, person, I’ve  disappointed you.  Hurt your feelings a couple of times.  But I’ve never gone away, and I’ve never failed you.  I don’t plan to.  You’re on your way.  I’ll do what I can. 

Dad