Contra-Panda Ops in the Savage Bamboo Wood

The Savage Bamboo Pandas resented Humberto peeking in, all paparazzo, measuring, taking notes.

Panda-Wrangler Humberto said

“Ohhhh eeeeeeeez gonnna cost you lots o money”

After Humberto’s reconnaissance, there were lots of scribbling sounds coming from inside the bamboo. Panda war plans being drawn up.

“Have you sent an emissary?”

“Well we have several candidates.”

  • Gatito: This RealPolitik Potemkin-feline held as capable of leading astray any number of malleable, fence-string Pandas, impressing them to serve as foot-soldiers in the next pandemic he has drawn up on his clipboard. Bear in mind Gatito lives on Hong Kong time. Blames his not returning calls on alleged dearth of opposable-thumbs. Keeps a fleet of bat-phones to heads-of-state; flogs a staff of clipboard-wielding chipmunk copycats to keep The Machine running
  • Frodo: Word on the street about his guile-less inclination to assume the best of barnyard animals and bamboo denizens; that assumptions of noble intent might not serve well.
  • Stevie Ray Z: Well, we know it’s not his first rodeo, for sure; Slickee-Boy-Datsun has been around the block; his Japanese accent has good citizens curious about likely Yakuza ties and liaisons with Panda Mafia
  • Tit: This Abominable Swine is of unclear-citizenship reckoned as an utter libertine; yearning for the sword-wielding, cloven-hoof glory of his swashbuckling days, a too-free radical, he could go any number of ways; not to be trusted as far as you can chuck that watermelon-ham ass-end of his

“Bargain by offering to put that hot tub back there …

you know what’ll happen, the Japanese Monkeys will show up and ally w the Pandas …

maybe it’ll bring the Chinese & Japanese closer together …

but no Russians, not a single Russian bear … bear v bear, unsavory

rumors of Sino-Nippo-Cracker War”

Tit’s a libertine. He could be wily & shrewd. He could both buy & sell:

“Yeah, what if the Pandas ply him w Bamboo Wine and he starts chasing girl-Panda skirt-tails?

Tit could revert to his Swashbuckling Ways.”

More crow activity today than we’ve seen in a month

“Are they one-eyed?

I dunno I could only see their lower feathers and was mostly scared of getting pooped on.

Rumors persist that the Panda Mafia sent the Carrion Crow Crew to Ravenstan for surveillance training last month.

“The One-Eyed Crow Crew form the Pandas’ forward outpost.

Pandas generally not fond of crows, but learned their song-bird lesson the hard way:

“Cardinals & Bluejays are independent, they foreswear any allegiances … they’re un-bound by borders.”

Sources reckon that there’re free-range chickens running all about –all-not-headless– inside the bamboo perimeter. Rumors of goats as well as poultry. Word is that the chickens keep well their distance from Panda Hot Tub & sharp objects.

Wind-removal of Yoga Belly 7 initiated a new level of war, the chemical element.

“But notice the sky is clear of crows now!

We own the skies!”

We have achieved Foul-Air Superiority

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